hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
