If i come over, it means nothing
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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