his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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