Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
