so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They took my balls.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
