omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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