When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
