Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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