hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
