So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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