She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
