i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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