I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
