Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
