I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
we should paint friendship bongs
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