he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
