I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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