the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
