I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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