Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
