i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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