I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
