i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
