I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
