What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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