just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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