well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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