Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
