doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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