Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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