just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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