She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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