She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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