feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
