Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
