Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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