I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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