I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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