Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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