TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
