I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
