He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
