I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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