put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
