I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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