I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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