I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
