SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
