Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
