Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It was confusing and full of hummus
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
