she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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