i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
