Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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